A Baby, Mama
Original Post | March 9, 2014
Yesterday is a funny thing. It holds that time-space-star trek-weird kind of leverage. Something I'm almost positive Sheldon and Leonard could explain. However, in my mind, yesterday, when provoked, flashes in-and-out on a daily basis. Like when I drive by schools and see the SUV express dropping off kids, or pick up a bottle of v-8 in the grocery store, or drive down the road and see bubbles of black topping the ground.
Those school drop-offs put me behind my SUV wheel, tapping patiently, waiting for three happy-go-lucky kids to doddle from the house to the car, offering no attempt to be a little early - just once. I was frazzled by my first period roll call. Len's mom had V-8 every day, mango and peach only. I buy it now when I need more Veta love in my life. And those black spots as I drive into town, I see calves lying everywhere in green pastures, my first indicator that spring has rescued us from a terrible winter. Even though i'm an outsider, I get to watch those shaky legs take their first steps. If i was lucky once upon a time, daddy would get me close enough to touch the newborn's tender skin.
Those happy-go-lucky kids were just babies yesterday. Heck, I was only twenty-something yesterday. Where did the in-between go?
Now, my baby is going to be a mama which makes me a grandma. In about 10 days or so. as much as I hate not being there to welcome my granddaughter, I cry at the thought that I won't be there for Mari. To tell her everything is going to be okay. To assure her that the hurt won't last forever. And don't forget to breathe, as Drew Barrymore said in your favorite movie. Just to be her mama, to hold her and be proud of her and remember when she was nothing more than a promise.
I struggle with that, and also, not being involved in a mother's ultimate wish. I won't be there to welcome her or snuggle with her. And she won't get to learn my touch or feel my care. So until we breathe the same air, introductions must be made and words must be exchanged. And I will have faith that my images and words will allow Caitlin to know that somewhere, there's a lady just itching to rip off those socks and play with her toes.
My life has always been centered around words and images. Now, I put all that I have learned to the test. My mission - to not miss a thing. It’s much more complicated than that, but that's it in a nutshell.
So when my baby becomes a mama and this mama becomes a grandma and Len puts on his grandpa hat, it will all be as it should be. And until the plane ride becomes nothing more than a drive around the corner, get ready for lots of words and photos and love from Mayne. Grandma and grandpa's got lots to share.
